The Liberal Party released their election platform this week. Unfortunately no part of the 82-page document explained why they didn’t just do all of this instead of calling an election. But we still took the time to break down the most important items for you.
Vaccines
The Liberals will invest $1 billion dollars into proof of vaccine plans. But don’t worry, your buddy Eddie who sold you a crappy fake id when you were 18 swears his counterfeit vaccine passport will still work.
Taxes
The Liberals will establish a minimum tax rule requiring that high-income earners pay at least 15% of their income in taxes annually. According to a study that would be 15% more than they are currently paying, and 60% less than they should be.
Climate Change
The Liberals announced further plans to their already announced plans to combat climate change. But the platform warns that if Canada’s emissions continue to rise, they may announce more plans.
Housing
First-time home buyers will be allowed to create a tax-free savings account to be used for a downpayment. No word yet on who will put the money into this account.
Guns:
The Liberals will introduce stricter laws to enforce their assault weapons ban. This ban has about a 73% approval rating among all Canadians, but a 0% approval ratings among Canadians who have an ATV in camo colours and/or have invested heavily in truck nuts.
Health Care:
The party plans to invest billions of dollars in Canada’s health care system. The majority of this will be used to protect staff from anti-vaxxers screaming at them on their way in to work, and then to treat those same anti-vaxxers when they get COVID.
Jesus Christ is King
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