U.S.—In a joint project with the Department of Health and Human Services, the U.S. Military has unveiled its new design for special drones that will enforce vaccinations and COVID lockdowns—and people are already expressing concerns.
“We present the brand new Solar Energy Networked Tunneling Intelligent Non-lethal Enforcement Laser-squid, also known as the SENTINEL,” said one general proudly as a curtain fell, revealing a monstrous mechanical squid-like machine. “This machine will peacefully patrol the country to make sure your friends and neighbors are vaccinated!”
The unveiling was met with scattered applause and audible gasps.
“Why does it need over a dozen scary arms with razor-sharp claws at the end?” said one person in the audience.
“Come on, don’t you think that’s just cool? It’s pretty cool, right? It also has a laser!” said the general as he excitedly pressed a button activating a deadly laser that could cut through metal and skulls.
The new design has been criticized by anti-vax right-wing conspiracy theorists as “absolutely freaking terrifying.” The Biden Administration assured the public they will have absolutely nothing to worry about if they’ll just shut up and get vaccinated.
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