GRANADA HILLS, CA—In a tragedy that’s becoming all too common among millennial women, local wife and mother of three Destiny Madur sadly passed away after she only managed to drink seven and a half glasses of water instead of the recommended eight on Saturday.
“This death was entirely preventable,” said presiding ER doctor F.P. Langley. “It’s so sad to see a young, healthy woman like Mrs. Madur not drink all eight glasses of water a day as we’ve been recommending for some time. She was trying to down that last half a glass and then just left it on her bedside table, which kind of looked like the house in Signs with all the water containers left everywhere. But she started watching one of her TV shows and forgot about it.”
Dr. Langley said that as soon as the clock struck midnight, Madur realized her mistake and reached for her glass of water to finish it off, but it was too late. She died moments later. Her husband says he is dedicating his life to making sure people drink eight glasses of water a day. “It’s what she would have wanted,” he said somberly. “She was always telling me to drink more water. In an ironic twist of fate, that’s what undid her in the end. WHY, GOD!? WHY?!?!”
According to experts, millions of women die every year after not quite managing to chug a full eight glasses of water a day. “It’s the number one cause of death in America,” said medical journalist Paul Breadcrombie. “So very sad.”
At publishing time, sources had confirmed most men haven’t drunk a full glass of water in over a decade and are totally fine.
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