Antivaxxer spends day protesting hospital where he’ll spend next month intubated

TORONTO – Local anti-vaccine protestor Brayden Crosby, 32, spent today demonstrating against COVID-19 vaccine mandates outside the hospital where he will coincidentally be admitted for chronic COVID-19 symptoms in early October.

Joining a series of anti-vaccine protests at hospitals across the country, future-patient Crosby angrily waved a sign reading “VAX PASSPORTS ARE TYRANNY” outside of Toronto General Hospital, where he will soon spend several weeks in the ICU once he contracts the COVID-19 virus next month.

“My body, my choice” screamed Crosby, completely unaware that he will be unable to shout anything at all once his symptoms require a breathing tube to be inserted down his throat in order for him to continue breathing. Crosby continued shouting anti-vax slogans at passing doctors and nurses despite reports of unvaccinated persons being 12 times more likely to contract COVID, decisions for vaccine mandates being made by politicians rather than hospitals, and also the fact that he himself will soon occupy room 113-B in the COVID intensive care unit.

Crosby spent today’s protest flanked by his wife, Heather, and several friends he met through anti-vax Facebook communities, all of whom will not be permitted to visit him in the COVID ward once he becomes ill after months of refusing to wear a mask or recieve any vaccines.

“I recognize that guy,” said Julie Singh, an ICU nurse at Toronto General who will also coincidentally be responsible for tending to Crosby when he falls ill next month. “He’s the one who screamed in my face that I was a ‘fascist Trudeau zombie trying to poison children’.”

“I hope I never run into that weirdo again,” said the nurse who will be the only human allowed into Crosby’s ICU room during what very well might be the last moments of his life.

Reports indicate that Crosby is not the only protestor who ironically could have saved himself an ambulance ride by checking into the hospital they spent today actively harassing. “COVID isn’t real” screamed Jan Brooks of Calgary, a mother of 3 who spent the day actively spreading the airborne virus to her fellow unmasked protestors outside Foothills Medical Centre.

At press time Crosby is angrily demanding to use the hospital gift shop bathroom where his tear-stricken parents will soon purchase a “GET WELL SOON” balloon for his ICU room.

Beaverton