OTTAWA – As the Liberal and Conservative parties poll in a dead heat to form Canada’s next government, an aggregate of polls show that absolutely not one single voter can explain why this election was necessary.
According to polling numbers released this morning by Nanos, EKOS, and Abacus, precisely 0.0 percent of Canadians can state any logical rationale for why a national election was called less than two years following the Federal Liberals’ 2019 mandate, not to mention in the middle of a global pandemic.
“We’ve never seen results this universal,” explained veteran pollster Nick Nanos. “I mean, statistically this shouldn’t even be possible, but we could not locate a single person in this entire country who had any idea why this election needed to happen, let alone right now.”
“There wasn’t even a margin of error, or like a guy in Winnipeg who just tried to make up a reason on the fly. Zero. Percent.” Nanos added, incredulous.
Several Canadian voters weighed in on the question while polled. “Well, I know why we’re having an election – Trudeau thought his polls were high enough to get an easy majority,” said Sarah Lancing of Halifax, “but as to why we needed an election… I haven’t got a friggin’ clue.”
While Canadians remain split over who they feel should lead the country, with the Liberals and Conservatives each polling around 30%, pollsters have reported being “frankly impressed” with the consensus displayed by the “why the hell are we even having an election” responses.
“0% of Canadians understanding why we’re going to the polls conversely means that 100% of Canadians have no idea – that makes it the most unifying thing in all of Canada at the moment,” explained James Tarren, 34, a phone pollster from Toronto. “That’s a more unifying opinion than butter tarts, the Tragically Hip, or hating Rogers. Incredible.”
Tarren added, “I spoke to NDP diehard voters as well as full-blown anti vaxxer PPC supporters, and the one thing they could always agree on was that they had absolutely no idea why we’re having an election in 2021. Simply amazing.”
At press time, various pollsters confirmed that the 100% of Canadians who could not explain why an election is happening definitely includes Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
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