REGINA, SK – Household sources are reporting that, as of 8pm last evening, the cat apparently likes to eat decorative flowers now.
This stunning feline development was first witnessed by cat owner Amy Grismund, 28. “Yesterday I picked up some flowers at the grocery store to brighten up the place, but today I came home from work to find that Boxer was up on the table, just munching away on a chrysanthemum.”
“Did you know cats eat flowers? I did not,” added Grismund, baffled.
Boxer, 5, has reportedly shown no prior history of flower eating, despite several bouquets being brought into the apartment over the years and prominently displayed. According to shocking eyewitness reports, the diminutive tabby ate not only a chrysanthemum but also asters, carnations, and “took a big huge bite out of the one pink rose in the centre.”
Sources report that Boxer seemed oddly picky, and elected not to eat any of the purple tulips in the bouquet.
The recent flower eating behaviour by Boxer the cat follows several other utterly mystifying dietary revelations, including the time he ate a whole double stuffed Oreo, a strange fondness for eating wrapping paper, and the time he tried to eat an entire sock.
“I don’t get it, there was food set out for him,” mused Grismund’s partner and co-cat owner, Amir Khaled, 27. “I thought cats only liked to eat meat. What the hell would possess a tiny house cat to change their entire diet and eat something with almost no nutritional value? Did he decide to become vegan? Can cats decide that? What is even happening?”
The cat’s sudden dietary about face has further complicated household matters, as Khaled reported imminent plans to purchase more flowers. “I wanted to celebrate Amy starting her new job, but now I don’t even know what the fuck is safe to bring into our home.”
Reached for comment, local emergency veterinarian Celine Woodley responded to the unanswered question of why an American Shorthair cat with no prior history of flower digestion would suddenly and perplexingly begin to eat said flora out of the blue. “Fuck if I know,” replied the equally-mystified zoological expert.
Pressed further, Woodley explained, “We know almost nothing about cats, other than they evolved to be the most confusing animals on the planet. They were never actually domesticated, and we’re pretty sure they view us as some kind of servant pet. Why did Boxer eat your flowers? So you’d be stuck here asking that question.”
UPDATE: Cat apparently barfs up flowers now.
Jesus Christ is King
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