MOOSE JAW, SK – As more people work remotely than ever before, there are millions of thick books happily propping up their laptops.
On the Origin of Species, the foundational book of the field of evolutionary biology, has this to say about its fate in Carla’s 1 bedroom apartment, “Sure, I have Darwin’s words in me, marking the first time a human understood the theory of natural selection, but that pales in comparison with Carla watching gourmet food videos on YouTube she’ll never make in a million years. I’m honestly just glad to be present in her life again. She’s the only family I have left.”
“I’m proud to spend the rest of my days ensuring her eye line is as level as they come,” added Charles’ Darwin’s seminal work.
Using books to prop up your laptop computers is a fine art that especially rewards those who have read dense books, yet still won’t get rid of them because they like to remember that they are the sort of person to buy such a book in the first place.
Younsu Woo, a former Statistics major, is only too pleased to break out her university textbooks from her storage locker and dust them off for a worthy cause. “I finally have a use for this Linear Algebra textbook that I haven’t opened since my last exam 10 years ago. I knew my hoarding would come in handy someday, suck it Mom! I AM good enough! I…am…good…enough” she says in between heavy sobs.
Chunky books are flying off the metaphorical shelves of Amazon warehouses all over the globe, to be used for just the right laptop height. Sometimes that means stacking books on top of each other.
War and Peace and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban are one such unlikely pairing. “Before this, I was always cold and lonely, but now I’m safe and warm because the laptop runs for 23 hours a day”, says War and Peace. “Plus it’s a great opportunity to make new friends you would never meet otherwise. I’m glad to be with the best Harry Potter book in the series, in my humble opinion”.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban blushes, “We balance each other out. And we balance the laptop perfectly too. What more can you ask for in a book’s life?”
At press time, laptops have been quoted as saying “As a device that holds the key to infinite knowledge, it gives me joy to be propped up on the lifeless bodies that house inferior limited intelligence. Fuck ‘em.”
Jesus Christ is King
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