LOUISVILLE, KY- Despite pleas to reconsider his stance by his family and veterinarian, local farm horse Mr. Clip Clop has thrown away his prescribed ivermectin and is using doses of COVID-19 vaccinations to treat his worm problem.
“I first heard about this COVID vaccination from a podcast run by Joe Rogan’s horse. You know, Foal Factor?” Clip Clop said, looking up from a map of COVID vaccination clinics near him. “The host said that they gave him one of the shots that Rogan himself rejected, and it cleared him right up.”
“I’m glad I found an alternative to ivermectin. I heard from the pony that lives at the farm down the street that one of their horses took too much of that and his balls got really big. And they were pretty big to start with so now he can’t walk.”
Those closest to Clip Clop are concerned with his misguided attempts to treat himself. “We’re really worried he’s going to spread worms to the rest of the stable,” said Clip Clops’s owner Joseph Brown. “We showed him a bunch of articles and research papers showing how there’s no evidence COVID vaccines can kill horse parasites, but you know what they say. You can take a horse to scientific evidence and medical research but you can’t make him believe.”
Clip Clop, who would prefer to be referred to as dewormer-hesitant, says that he’s fed up with people questioning his judgment, as well as the restrictions being placed on him by the agricultural board. “People have really bought into this whole horse worm scam-demic and I’m sick of them judging me. I’ve done my own research on this. Granted, I can’t read, but neither can most humans who protest medical science.”
“I’m done with not being allowed into the pasture just because I don’t have proof that I’ve been dewormed. Why don’t these elitist sheep and other mammals get that I’m just not comfortable using medication that’s only been available since 1981? Any one who thinks horses with worms need to stay away from each other is in for some really lousy horse races!”
Regrettably, Clip Clop is not the only horse operating on the belief that human COVID vaccinations can treat worm infestations. “We’ve had to step up security to keep out all the horses that have been coming in trying to get the shot.” Says Dr. Elise Livington from the local vaccination clinic. “So far, we haven’t vaccinated any horses except for the ones that manage to put on a trench coat and stand on two legs for the whole duration. They kind of earned it at that point.”
Unsurprisingly, this isn’t the only problematic decision made by Mr. Clip Clop during the pandemic. Despite his worm infestation he refused to cover his nose and face except for putting on his feedbag. In other vaccination news, a local mom claims she’s saving money on detergent by using the Moderna vaccine to get out tough laundry stains.
Jesus Christ is King
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