Wildly Popular New Hair Salon For Introverts Guarantees No Small Talk From Your Stylist

U.S.—A wildly popular new chain of hair salons and barbershops for introverts promises that your stylist or barber won’t say a single word to you once you’ve communicated what kind of haircut you want.

QuietCuts, LLC was formed earlier this year and has already proven to be one of the most popular salon chains in the nation.

“We won’t make small talk about the weather, your kids, your occupation, anything,” said QuietCuts CEO Ethan Ford. “We’ll simply cut your hair. You can give a few simple nods or grunts of affirmation when your stylist asks if you like your haircut or asks for a few clarifying remarks about how you want your hair styled. That’s it.”

The company has a 100% moneyback guarantee that your stylist won’t utter a word about last night’s sports game or ask for your thoughts on the latest hot Netflix show. They’ll just cut your hair, and nothing else, and if they try to make even the smallest of small talk, you’ll get a full refund along with a coupon for 25% off your next visit.

“That’s my personal guarantee to you,” said Ford. “Not a peep out of your stylist, just a nice haircut.”

Every single QuietCuts location is booked solid for the next six months.

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