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Despite the Cherokee Nation officially endorsing the “Tomahawk Chop” of the Atlanta Braves, white intellectuals have ruled it offensive, and rightfully so. We at The Babylon Bee are calling for the end of the gesture so it can be replaced with one of these less-offensive alternatives:
1) The Non-Ethnic Miniature Axe Swing: Totally a different thing.
2) The Drunken Irishman: This is not offensive because the Irish race isn’t a race because Irish people have white skin.
3) The Let’s-Go-Brandon: Hey, there’s nothing offensive about cheering on some player named Brandon, is there?
4) The Smoke-A-Peace-Pipe: The peace pipe is a symbol of peace, representative of how Native Americans were 100% peaceful throughout history in contrast with colonizers who were 0% peaceful.
5) The Raise-Hand-At-45º-Angle: We’re not sure what this symbolizes, but we assume it’s a sign of peace and non-offense.
6) The Crap-Your-Pants: This fun, family-friendly gesture is really taking off, thanks to a lot of publicity from our own Commander-in-Chief.
7) The Cherokee Scalp: Fine if you do it to a white person.
8) The Yawn: This gesture is perfectly acceptable, you’re watching baseball, after all.
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