TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that, in addition to clogging up every news broadcast, sporting event and network drama with commercials attacking Steven Del Duca and Andrea Horwath, the Ontario PCs will begin running commercials during all registered voters’ dreams.
“If Andrea Horwath gets elected, you won’t just need to worry about showing up to class in your underwear, you’ll need to worry about the roads crumbling on your drive there,” said Ford to a slumbering Jessica Brown, 21.
“And that never-ending falling sensation you’re experiencing? That’s what’ll happen to our jobs numbers if Steven Del Duca is in charge!”
The Progressive Conservatives have teamed up with the writer of Nightmare on Elm Street and the producer of Inception to create the technology that allows Ford to enter your dreams, tell you some wild shit about his rivals in the upcoming election, and leave before any sex stuff starts.
“Weird dreams last night,” said Cindy Wilson to her partner. “I think I was running in a meadow with my dead grandmother, but also listening to a man with shark eyes talk about Highway construction?”
If the dream ads don’t boost Ford’s poll numbers the PCs have a sure-fire backup plan: shower ads.”
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.