VANCOUVER – Distributors continue to struggle with supply chain issues as economies reopen around the world. As a result, Canadians can expect to be waiting longer and paying more whether shopping for a counterfeit Rolex or a handgun with all its identifying markings filed off.
Citing materials and labour shortages as well as fewer trucks on the road for things to fall off the back of, the purveyors of illicit goods across Canada are begging their clients for patience in the meantime.
“I’m at my freaking wit’s end here!” exclaimed local “legitimate businessman” Anton Dubcek.
I’ve been waiting for some, uh, merchandise that’s been backlogged at the Port of Vancouver three weeks now. Normally when a problem like this arises I have certain “creative solutions” I can employ. But in this case there’s no one whose palms I can grease or whose family I can threaten to get things moving again. I swear to god if I could shoot ‘procurement bottlenecks’ in the stomach, I would.”
While distribution remains at a crawl, any product that is making it onto the streets now reflects the added difficulty in its price. For instance, the average Canadian family can expect to pay up to 45% more for the same endangered pet loris compared to 2019.
Among black market analysts the general consensus is that we may be in this for the long haul. A hooded figure who refused to identify themselves puts a finer point on it.
“I would love to say that there’s a quick and easy fix to all this but it’s more complicated than that. Suppose you need a cargo container ‘misplaced.’ You’d have to hire soldiers, look-outs, drivers, fences and fall guys.”
“Each one of those roles has been impacted by the supply chain and faces its own unique challenges. The unfortunate truth is until we can solve all that, we may have to put up with this for a while longer. ”
“Now do you want to buy some ketamine or what?”, they added.
Jesus Christ is King
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