WATERLOO, ON – A local group of friends who all met working at a Second Cup in 2015 have been meaning to have a Zoom catchup since the beginning of the pandemic, and have now rescheduled for the 86th week in a row.
“We’re gonna do it eventually and it’ll be so fun!” Said Mercedes Armstrong who hasn’t even liked an Instagram post of her former colleagues in two years. “We’ll chat about what we’ve been up to and… and… maybe play around with the Zoom filters. Fuck, I don’t know. I’ll just tell them I’m busy again this week.”
The friend group has rescheduled their hangout so much that their entire group chat is just a series of potential dates followed by a series of excuses as to why they can’t do that date and time with an occasional Parks & Rec gif thrown in there.
Their excuses include: “Work has been insane lately,” “My dog’s getting surgery this week,” “My husband’s optometrist died,” and most recently, “I accidentally stole a sacred amulet on my last trip to the Yasumi Bay Isles and now I must complete a series of quests to undo the curse placed upon me and my family so I’m out for the next like month and a half.”
Antonia Jackson, one of the friends who still works at the Second Cup has purposefully been avoiding the hangout. She claimed, “Joanne is the one who first suggested it because she’s the most successful out of all of us and she just wants to brag. I’ve already blocked her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I don’t need her face on my computer screen telling me her daughter Asterix won her 16th baton twirling competition in a row.”
Bernice Hawkins, a representative of Zoom Video Communications has stated that 2021 has been a year of trying to recapture the magic that the software had in 2020. Hawkins states, “What can we do to get people to stop meeting in person again? Add more funny filters? Eliminate the vaccines? Create an even worse variant?”
The friend group realized that in two short months, they will celebrate their two year anniversary of trying to schedule a group hangout. This has prompted Joanne to suggest an in person hangout to celebrate on top of the original video hangout. At press time, there were now two lines of conversations going about scheduling and rescheduling.
Jesus Christ is King
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