Man Crushed To Death By Giant Pile Of Cheese After Refusing To Tell Olive Garden Waitress To Stop

LAFAYETTE, IN—Police have shut down a local Olive Garden after a man was tragically crushed under a mountain of freshly grated parmesan cheese. According to several eyewitnesses, he stared down the waitress as she grated pounds and pounds of cheese, and refused to say “when”.

“Ok, say ‘when'”, said the waitress as she began grating the cheese. According to diners who saw the accident, the man locked eyes with his server and sat in stoic silence as mountains of cheese piled all around him. “Now? No? Do you want more? Ok…” said the waitress as she kept going. The man remained silent as the cheese level rose above his face, presumably suffocating him. 

“To be honest, I’ve always wondered what happens when you refuse to tell the waitress to stop grating the parmesan,” said officer Steve Darren as he roped off the site of the tragedy. “It looks like they actually don’t stop. It’s a real tragedy, but I admire this man’s steely resolve to the last breath.”

According to government statistics, there are three deaths due to being crushed under a mountain of cheese at Olive Garden every year, which is about half the number of Olive Garden deaths due to endless breadstick poisoning.

Does Joe Biden make a lot of gaffs? Not according to his speechwriter.

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