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Toxic masculinity, like a viral disease, is everywhere. If you’re a man, shame on you. Do better.
But it’s not enough to just point out toxic masculinity’s ubiquitous spread in our decaying society. We at the Babylon Bee have curated a list of things you can do to fight the evils of patriarchy and fatherhood—after you have begun taking estrogen supplements:
1) Wear your wife’s clothes: This will give you a much cuter, less threatening appearance.
2) Shrug and grunt apathetically when your kids ask for help: They need to learn they have autonomy and don’t need a white male savior!
3) Stop throwing the football around and play soccer instead: Football is full of male toxicity. Stop it now. Instead, play the beautiful, graceful game of soccer. You can even teach your kid how to flop while pretending to be hurt!
4) Do not ever change your child’s diaper until they can provide clear verbal consent: No means no! “Waaaaaa” also means no.
5) Have children with multiple partners and marry none of the mothers: This will teach your kids the important lesson that men don’t own women, and encourage them to reject the oppressive Western norm of the nuclear family.
6) Go to the sports bar all day and watch games: You don’t want to colonize your wife’s home space with your white occupier presence.
7) Encourage your kids to whine as much as possible: They are speaking THEIR truth!
8) Never open pickle jars: Or change light bulbs, or fix leaky faucets, or change a tire. Your wife is a strong, independent woman.
9) Protect your kids from your toxic maleness by just avoiding them completely: Don’t worry, the State is ready and willing to raise them!
Put these into practice today! It’s never too late to do better! Well, unless you’ve already been canceled. Then it is too late. Sorry.
NOT SATIRE: Emergent Order Foundation is launching, “Dad Saves America”, a new YouTube channel from the former creative director of Spike TV, dedicated to promoting fatherhood, providing a constructive alternative to victimhood culture, and celebrating American freedom.
Mainstream culture is attacking masculinity in general and the role of fathers in our society. Our sons are being told “the future is female” and to check their “privilege” in school. Dad-deprived homes are the leading cause of greater mental illness, poverty, unemployment, and criminal records among boys and young men. Is it any wonder that we’re facing so many crises in America today?
Dads can solve this boy crisis in America. With Dad Saves America, we want to empower dads to embrace their heroic role in the family, raise resilient children who love freedom, and stand up for what’s right in society.
My goal is to raise $10,000 to support the launch of “Dad Saves America” from Babylon Bee readers. Please watch our video to learn more about Dad Saves America and consider donating $10, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or ANY amount today by clicking here.
Trust me… if you watch the video, you will want to join Dad Saves America’s mission.
Thank you,
John Papola
CEO
Emergent Order Foundation, Dad Saves America
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