Doug Ford starting to feel like he should maybe look into this whole Omicron thing

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode.

“When I first heard about Omicron I figured it was just a passing fad like bell bottom jeans or universal basic income,” said Ford in reference to the variant that is 4-5 times more infectious than the original COVID-19 and still infects the double vaccinated. “But I don’t know, something in my gut says we oughta watch out for this thing.”

“I’m definitely going to ask Christine [Elliott, Health Minister] to give me the rundown sometime next week.”

As businesses and governments around the world scramble to react to the shockingly fast growth of Omicron cases, which could infect the entire globe in a matter of months if current projections hold, the Ford government has taken a “best be on the lookout approach” in case any concerning health news arises.

“Maybe we should think about asking nightclubs to close a bit earlier, or giving people 10% off rapid PCR tests,” said Ford. “I suppose if things look really bad we could consider asking gyms to wipe down the equipment more often.”

The government doesn’t want to move too hastily however, as it’s learned from the last 21 months of the pandemic that the real danger to public health is actually acting too early on these things.

In related news, the Ford government has finally come up with a plan to tackle the Delta variant.

Beaverton