SEATTLE, WA—According to sources, local skateboarder and part-time anticapitalist revolutionary Astroph Zendercrack filed a complaint with local authorities after someone mistook him for a redhead.
“I am sick and tired of being misgingered,” said Zendercrack to reporters. “My hair is sandy brown people, SANDY BROWN! It’s not red! I’m not a ginger! I HAVE A SOUL!”
Gingers often face discrimination, but sometimes those who identify as “strawberry blonde” or “sandy brown” get mistaken for redheads. Based on statements from Zendercrack’s friends, he is often misgingered by strangers who don’t know any better—and it’s starting to take its toll.
“It’s taking a serious toll on my mental health, man,” he continued. “The white capitalist patriarchy has constructed an elaborate system specifically designed to exclude and oppress people of red hair. It’s not fair that I get lumped in!”
Local authorities are looking for the suspects responsible for the misgingering event, and have asked the surrounding community for help. Anyone who can provide information to authorities will be given a batch of Seattle’s finest meth.
Babylon Bee subscriber Lucas Necessary contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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