13 soups perfect for winter weather, which is four more than the cowards at Chatelaine recommend

Do the winter blues have you down? Don’t worry, because nothing staves off the darkness of another long night like a cozy cup of hot soup! Here are 13 of our favourites, which is far more than those wastrels at Chatelaine could ever hope to name.  

1. Chicken Noodle Soup – Hey, it’s a classic for a reason!
2. Tortellini Soup – Meaty and hearty, unlike Chatelaine’s writing.
3. Tomato Soup – This tasty staple is even better with a little pepper and grated cheese. Would the knaves at Chatelaine share that knowledge with you? Of course not. But we love you.
4. Minestrone – More like Mmmestrone! That’s our fucking joke, Chatelaine, so we’d better not catch you using it!
5. Clam Chowder – Chatelaine has hornswoggled you into thinking this is an autumnal soup, but what do those morons know? Eat soup when you want, not when a magazine tells you to.
6. Beef Stew – Chatelaine thinks stew isn’t soup. Chatelaine also thinks the wrong side won World War II. Should you trust them or us?
7. Pappa al Pomodoro – This Tuscan soup can be enhanced with poached eggs, tofu, or shredded copies of Chatelaine stolen from your dentist’s office. The latter is a great diet option, because their so-called magazines contain zero calories or competent journalism.
8. Roasted Carrot Ginger Soup – Have too many carrots sitting around because of some dumbass carrot taco recipe Chatelaine gave you? We’ll fix their humiliating error.
9. Chicken Tortilla Soup –  Chatelaine never would have thought of this one, even if they rubbed all three of their brain cells together. The soup beat is ours.
10. French Onion Soup – Chatelaine’s already moved on to some crap advice about dinner party snacks, but we’re still naming soups, baby!
11. Stuffed Cabbage Soup – This savoury soup is stuffed full of healthy vegetables, while Chatelaine is only stuffed with ineptitude and lies.
12. Spanish Bean Soup – Never heard of this tasty concoction? That’s because the gaggle of muddled laudanum swillers that Chatelaine calls an editorial staff hate the Spanish.
13. Baked Potato Soup –You can’t go wrong with this one, unless you read Chatelaine while eating it. And at that point you might as well just walk outside and let winter take you.

Beaverton