Jesus' Coming Back

Marvel announces reboot of Elephant Man

BURBANK – Studios has announced another addition to its packed 2022 schedule, a reboot of the 1980 David Lynch The . The film is unusual for Marvel, not only because it is not based on any pre-existing Marvel IP, but also because it is a historical drama about a real-life man with severe deformities who had no known superpowers.

“We are so happy to welcome this new into the Marvel Cinematic Universe,” said Kevin Feige, the President of Marvel Studios. “I assume this is a friend of Ant Man, who instead of being super small like Ant Man, he’s really, um… big… hold on, my assistant just handed me something… oh. Oh my. Oh no.”

It is currently unknown how The Elephant Man, a human being from Victorian England named Joseph Merrick, will fit into Marvel’s current multiverse storyline. Fan reactions have ranged from wary to confused to enthusiastic.

“I am so pumped for Elephant Man,” said Marvel superfan Daniel Hines. “My friends and I can’t stop speculating about which of the other movies he is going to show up in the post or mid credits sequence as a teaser for his own movie, like probably Dr. Strange because Benedict Cumberbatch is English so maybe they are friends? AHHH THE MULTIVERSE IS SO COMPLEX I ONLY THINK ABOUT IT AND NOTHING ELSE!”

Tiktokers and Youtubers have already expressed skepticism, with more than one film critic suggesting that the MCU may have finally overextended itself.

“I’m pretty sure Kevin Feige had too many projects on the go, saw there was something called Elephant Man, and just bought it without really thinking about it,” said Nathan Rasmussen of Eye on Film. “Do I think it will be an artistic disaster? Yes. Do I think it will make $800 Billion worldwide and spin off 8 different series on Disney+? Also yes.”

Marvel has yet to announce who will direct the reboot, but insiders say that Martin Scorcese has expressed interest.

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