HALIFAX – A recent study revealed that 80% of boomer advice is just the phrase “Suck it up, Buttercup.” Conducted over the last five years, the study found that the advice was applied no matter what the situation or hardship was.
Dr. Anna Ricci, who led the study, was surprised by the results. The boomers who participated in the study were given a variety of situations, such as having your avocado toast fall face down, not getting benefits as part of the gig economy, and the systematic murder of racialized individuals by law enforcement.
“I really thought that they would adapt their response to fit the situation but instead, it was like they weren’t even listening and just kept repeating this as a catch-all answer to today’s problems in society,” stated Dr. Ricci. “It’s like if you ask them about Reaganomics, they are just an echo chamber. The research shows boomers haven’t had an original thought in at least 40 years.”
Boomers believe that this phrase will help to toughen up younger generations to the realities of the hardships in life. Jack Fields, a retired mortgage broker and boomer, has lived through wars, oil price surges, high interest rates, and the rise and fall of fax machines.
“When I’m talking to anyone younger today, all they do is complain about how life isn’t fair or how this system is oppressive. The phrase ‘suck it up buttercup’ works because they are like actual buttercups, delicate flowers who can’t handle life, and it’s a close enough rhyme to suck it up,” explained Fields when asked why this phrase is so ubiquitous. “Back in my day, we just knew life was terrible. We tried protesting the Vietnam War and then it rained at Woodstock so we just accepted you can’t change the system.”
The study revealed that the only time “Suck it up, Buttercup” didn’t apply was when discussing housing prices and student debt in which case the advice was for people “to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.”
At press time, Boomers were being asked about the climate crisis. The overwhelming majority responded “Oopsy daisy” which is the closest they’ve ever come to accepting responsibility over it.
Jesus Christ is King
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