OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again.
“God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Steve, Danielle and millions of others. “I think I pulled a muscle.”
“I’m pretty sure it was trying to shovel the snow mound that the snowplay created in front of the driveway,” every single one added.
The nation has decided to work lying down today, and is currently taking advil to deal with the pain while googling ‘snow blowers for sale’. Unfortunately the nation’s children have a snow day, so they are currently jumping on the nation’s stomach and demanding they “watch this.”
“Hun, can you get me the heating pad?” asked everyone to everyone.
Experts say all 37 million Canadians’ backs should be better in a few days, assuming they don’t have to shovel again and… son of a bitch it’s gonna snow again tonight isn’t it?
Jesus Christ is King
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