‘The Misinformation Is Coming From Inside The Building,’ Whispers Terrified CNN Misinformation Team Member

ATLANTA—A member of CNN’s Misinformation Squad was found hiding under a desk in the basement after making a frightful call to the police. “The misinformation is coming from inside the building,” whispered the terrified employee to an alarmed 911 dispatcher.

The employee, intern Jessie Furbank, was reportedly in tears as police escorted her out of the building, after which she allegedly asked for witness protection.

“I need a new identity, a new life—they’re going to find me!” said Jessie, according to witnesses.

A transcript has been released by the Atlanta Police Department that reveals the harrowing moment.

Dispatch:  This is 911, what is your emergency?

Furbank:  You have to [unintelligible] help! I’m–

Dispatch: Calm down, please. Are you in danger?

Furbank: Yes! I work at CNN. I [heavy breathing] I was hired to track misinformation, but—

[unknown banging noises]

Dispatch: Ma’am, are you alright?

Furbank: Did you just assume my gen– never mind, you have to come get me!

Dispatch: But what’s wrong?

Furbank: The misinformation—it’s… it’s coming from inside the building!

[screams]

According to reliable sources, Furbank claimed to have been attacked, but would not identify her attacker by name. However, when shown a picture of Brian Stelter she passed out.

Other members of the Misinformation Squad have refused to comment about the incident directly. “We only care about misinformation from Fox News,” they said nervously.

Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns – so he’s a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.

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