HOUSTON, TX—Televangelist Joel Osteen grew frustrated Thursday morning when he was unable to complete the day’s Wordle puzzle because the answer was “BIBLE,” a term with which he is not familiar.
Wordle is a popular new game that presents players with a new word puzzle every day. Players have to guess the day’s five-letter word in six tries or less to complete the Wordle. Osteen, always quick to jump on the latest trend, initially enjoyed the game and even incorporated it into his sermons.
“I encouraged my flock to play Wordle every day,” said Osteen. “It’s a great tool for evangelism. You can strike up a conversation with someone about Wordle to get your foot in the door. Then you go in for the hard sell—have them make out a check to cash.”
“But I didn’t know the game used made-up, fake words,” he continued. “What’s a ‘bee-bull?’ Is that English? Am I doing this right?
Scholars say the word, spelled B-I-B-L-E, refers to a collection of writings by multiple authors whose writings were inspired by the Holy Spirit, and which is the inerrant Word of God. The book calls sinners to repent of their sin, take up their cross, and follow Jesus.
“Take up their cross? That sounds made up,” said Osteen as he searched the App Store for a better game.
At publishing time, Joel Osteen had begun playing a mobile game called “Super Idle Money” in which the player taps the screen to increase the size of their bank account. “I had no idea Christian games had gotten so good,” said Osteen.
As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
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