Polite Canadian Truck Drivers Ask Evil, Tyrannical Government To ‘Please Restore Our Freedoms If You Don’t Mind, Eh’

CANADA—Over 50,000 trucker drivers are driving all the way from Vancouver to Ottawa to protest the federal government’s vaccine mandates. They plan to drive straight up to the heart of the evil, tyrannical government and politely ask them to please restore their freedoms.

“Sorry for asking, eh, but see we was all wonderin’ if—meaning no offense to you or your authority—we could have our freedoms back,” said Mark Randall, a spokesperson for the Freedom Convoy. “Again sorry to bother, but it would mean a great deal to us folks if we could get some basic freedoms, eh?” 

The Freedom Convoy, despite being kind and protesting politely, has been met with harsh criticism from their own government. “This is an unacceptable, fringe movement despite the fact that they are about to break a world record for the size of their protest!” said Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Tradeau. “No matter how many people support their cause, they do not reflect the views of Canada.”

The unvaccinated truckers hope to deliver their demands to be able to continue to live their lives and provide for their families while making their own medical decisions. They have requested to just be treated like human beings and simply left alone to drive their trucks.

At publishing time, The Freedom Convoy has followed those demands up by apologizing profusely and sending multiple gift baskets to Trudeau for any trouble they may have caused.

As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.

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