OTTAWA—A “freedom convoy” of Canadian truckers is on its way to Ottawa in protest of vaccine mandates. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is pushing back at accusations of tyrannical government overreach by claiming the truckers just hate him because he’s black.
“As a proud black man, this is the kind of discrimination I have faced my whole life,” said Trudeau in a nationwide address over Zoom. “These truckers are a bunch of racist white men. They’re probably not even gay.”
“They only hate me because I’m black!”
Trudeau, who is currently quarantining in spite of a negative COVID-19 test, also sent off dozens of angry letters to “whoever hires truckers” because of all the racism. While literally shaking, he wrote, “If you oppose vaccines you are racist, sexist, and think a Snow White remake is a good idea.”
His intern passed the letters on to Canadian Mounties who rode to the four corners of Canada to take the message to the people.
Trudeau, who is suspiciously not black looking, was offended when members attempted to spin his statement, suggesting he was merely close to the black community.
“I am not speaking metaphorically,” said Trudeau. “Look at my skin. It’s as black as night. It’s midnight black!”
“If you weren’t so naively color blind you’d understand,” he added.
At publishing time, President Biden lent his support to Trudeau, calling him a ‘surprisingly articulate black fella’.
As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.
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