Kenney demands blockading truckers he inspired to immediately relocate to Ottawa

COUTTS, AB – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is demanding blockading truckers at the Alberta-Montana border he galvanized to relocate to Ottawa.

“This kind of behaviour is not acceptable unless it’s in the nation’s capital,” said Kenney in an announcement yesterday. “Our borders must remain open for trade and transportation unlike the numerous Quebec-Ontario crossings in the Ottawa-Gatineau area.”

Kenney appealed for truckers to have some compassion for the many people who lived in the area, dissimilar to the one million residents of Canada’s capital.

“I truly feel for the village of Coutts who have to hear the incessant honking and noise,” added Kenney. “While I agree with the truckers’ dissent, they’re better off throwing rocks at emergency service workers and harassing the Laurentian elite instead of fellow Albertans.”

The premier said his UCP government is prepared to move the protesters to Ottawa under the careful watch of fellow border-blocker and UCP MLA Shane Getson.

The province will also provide the truckers with many upside-down Canadian flags and ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ branded piss jugs for their long journey eastward.

Beaverton