Sexual Tensions In CNN Office Ramped Up Even More With Hiring Of Jonah Goldberg

ATLANTA—Jonah Goldberg has officially joined the team at CNN and sexual tensions have never been higher. Sources within the company claim the former Fox News contributor is making it hard for their team to concentrate on their work.

“I don’t know how I’m going to get anything done,” confessed Brian Stelter, host of Reliable Sources. “Jonah was the reason I watched Fox News so much. I just can’t get enough of his deep sultry voice and ruggedly masculine features, and now we have to work in the same building together? How will anything get done? Is it hot in here?”

Goldberg, who is often referred to as a “smoldering sexual dynamo,” is reportedly excited to begin his work at CNN to make it the hottest name in news, but he’s not oblivious to the attitudes among staff.

“All the libs keep hating on me, but I know it’s just a mask for their sexual frustration,” said Goldberg. “When I get to CNN, we’ll do our best to keep things professional. But I know it won’t be easy for anyone.”

According to sources, the only one who appears to be immune to Goldberg’s charm is fellow Fox News refugee Chris Wallace.

Watch as this Joe Rogan fan fruitlessly tries to get Alexa to play the Joe Rogan Experience.

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