Trudeau promises that Canada will only be under the Emergencies Act for as long as trucks exist

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is uncertain when and if the Emergencies Act will ever be lifted as long as Canada, and Ottawa in particular, remains under threat due to the continued existence of trucks.

“Trucks are everywhere,” Trudeau argued today in the House of Commons, looking over his shoulder to make sure there were no trucks behind him. “Yes, most of the trucks are gone from Ottawa now… but they could come back at any time. We don’t want to keep the Emergencies Act in place a single day longer than necessary, and on the day when there is no longer the possibility that the trucks can return, we will gladly lift the Act.”

When pressed to clarify if he was considering outlawing trucks or treating trucks as potential weapons and restricting their use and ownership, Trudeau was adamant that his government has no such plans, and are content to wait until the truck menace has somehow worked itself out.

“We aren’t going to punish all trucks or all truck owners due to the actions of a few, because that would be unfair and more importantly would make the fossil fuel industry furious,” Trudeau continued.

“Canadians have the right to own and operate trucks, and we are not going to take that right from them. Under the Emergencies Act we will be taking other rights from them, like the right to public assembly and the right to have a bank account that can’t be seized by a financial institution on a whim, but rest assured, the right to truck will continue in Canada. And thus, so will the Emergencies Act.”

“And I would like to remind everyone that it is not the trucks’ fault that they are being used this way. This is not a Maximum Overdrive-type situation, where the vehicles are operating themselves. We have a separate Act we are prepared to implement during that scenario.”

At press time, Trudeau had spotted a small child playing with a toy truck and was informing that child that if he didn’t put his toy truck away, under the Emergencies Act he could be fined up to $5,000 or face an imprisonment of up to five years.

Beaverton