NEW YORK, NY—After televising the Winter 2022 Olympics for literally hundreds of U.S. viewers, NBC has announced plans to send full coverage of the Olympic Games straight to VHS.
“This plan to send the 2022 Olympics straight to VHS should not be misinterpreted as a sign of failure,” said NBC spokesman Corbyn Wormshanger to a couple of bloggers who accidentally dialed into the Zoom press conference. “While these Olympics were super popular, it’s just that we reached out to streaming services, DVD distributors, and the like, and they all seemed to have, um, scheduling conflicts.”
Wormshanger again reiterated the enormous success of these Olympics, citing the transparent graciousness of the genocide-free host nation, beautifully empty arenas, picturesque nuclear cooling towers, silly doping scandals, and sponsors who spent millions to produce woke commercials for no one to see.
The NBC spokesman ended the call with the “great” news that the Winter 2022 Olympics VHS will include a bonus feature-length documentary (narrated by LeBron James), on the majesty, power, and democratic ideals of China.
Update: Winter 2022 Olympics VHS tapes are now available for free from the dumpsters behind your local K-Mart.
This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!
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