UKRAINE—Multiple reports across Ukraine have indicated that Ukrainians are upset they are being invaded by Russia but are taking solace in the fact that at least Americans were able to save 16 cents on their July 4 cookouts this year.
Thousands of Ukrainians preparing to defend against Russian invasion agreed that Biden has been a great president and that his efforts to reduce the cost of Independence Day barbecues last year was “totally worth” any downsides of his presidency, such as his total failure at foreign policy.
“The Biden presidency is something of a wash,” said Ukrainian citizen Antin Bondarenko as he huddled in his kitchen in hopes of avoiding Russian bombs. “On the one hand, America has shown great weakness around the world, emboldening dictators like Putin and Xi Jinping to do whatever they want. So that’s a negative.”
“But, on the plus side, Americans saved 16 cents on their barbecues last year. I saw that on Twitter. Sure, gas prices kind of made that a bit of a wash, but it’s still a good thing. And I heard gas prices went down 2 cents a couple of months ago. So, you win some, and you lose some.” His transmission was then cut short for some reason.
At publishing time, Ukrainians had added that they were also glad the U.S. military is far more inclusive and diverse.
This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!
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