KYIV—After successfully equipping the Ukrainians with Starlink terminals to help them access the internet amid waves of Russian cyberattacks, Elon Musk announced he was also delivering a special surprise to help Ukrainians defend their nation.
“I have authorized the delivery of our latest Cybertruck variant designed for military use: the Cybertank,” said Musk. “The tanks will shoot fire instead of artillery shells because that’s just cool. Fire is cool. I mean, who wouldn’t want an electric tank that shoots fire, right?” Musk then laughed awkwardly.
The Cybertank delivery marks Musk’s latest effort to do everything a world power or multi-nation alliance can do—such as defending the freedom of an allied nation—except way cheaper and more awesome.
“I don’t like to make weapons, but I didn’t see any world governments offering to defend Ukraine with bulletproof flamethrower tanks from the future that can go 500 miles on a single charge, so I figured I should probably do something about that,” he said.
As a special bonus, every tank will come preloaded with a set of custom sound effects that can automatically yell obscenities at Russian warships. Cool!
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