So, you haven’t been to church in a while, huh? We get it—dragging your family to Sunday services week after week ain’t easy. If you’re running out of excuses, here are 13 perfectly valid excuses that should cover you for at least a while!
1) The worship leader keeps singing in keys that are way too high for normal humans to sing in: How are you supposed to worship God in a too-high key? UGH!
2) You just, like, don’t feel like you’ve been getting anything out of the sermons lately and stuff: This is entirely the pastor’s fault.
3) The band is playing “Oceans” again this week: Please, make it stop!
4) You need to find socks and shoes for ALL your kids to wear: An impossible task before 9 AM.
5) There’s a sermon series on sin and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life: You’re probably not that much of a sinner anyway… probably.
6) Greeters: You’re an introvert, yet the church still posts greeters at the door. This is abuse.
7) Those stale cut-in-half donuts are too tempting: Today isn’t the day to ruin your 7-day keto streak.
8) COVID: That’s still a thing, right? Yeah, COVID.
9) You got in a big argument with your spouse this morning and you’re still mad: It may be too hard to fake a convincing smile to the greeters.
10) Your church started offering gluten-free communion options: And you’re not into all that “woke” crap.
11) Some weird visitor was sitting in your pew last week: You just can’t deal with that awkwardness again.
12) You listened to some worship music this morning and that pretty much counts as church: Church isn’t a building, after all, right?
13) You’re a Baptist and really hungover from last night: No one must know!
These completely legitimate excuses should cover you for a few months, at least! If none of these excuses work for you, you might as well just go.
Yeah, just go. Might as well.
Do you have an addiction to CNN? If so, we’re here to help diagnose your problem and address it head-on.
Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.