Biden Complains That White House Staff Keep Draping Flags Over Him Every Time He Naps

WASHINGTON, D.C—According to sources, President Joe Biden has been complaining that his staff keeps draping flags over him whenever he naps, apparently mistaking him for a dead person.

“Hey folks, I’m not dead! I’m just resting my eyes a little! Know the difference, Jack!” said a frustrated Biden. “Whenever I’m napping, just bring your ear really close to my nose and you’ll hear me breathing. I might even wake up and sniff ya! Come on, man!” 

According to anonymous staffers, people often stumble upon Biden as he’s napping on a couch or in the middle of the hall, and mistakenly think they’ve happened upon a body. “It’s the decent thing to do when you see the corpse of a president, to show it honor by draping the stars and strips over it,” said one staffer. “It’s an honest mistake.”

Other staffers say they do it to hide the sleeping president when ambassadors or heads of state are in the White House. 

“Sometimes, we have to cover up the president,” said VP Kamala Harris. “Because he’s sleeping. Sleep is when you close your eyes for a very long time. And when you’re sleeping sometimes you wake up. Sleep is important for Biden because he’s very old. Old people have grey hair. Biden is sleeping now. Basically, that’s bad.”

Biden could not be reached for further comment, as he was sleeping, or possibly dead. 

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