Facebook To Temporarily Allow Calls For Violence Against People Who Leave Shopping Carts Rolling Around Parking Lot

MENLO PARK, CA—Local Facebook user Charlene Moldsmear had just posted a gentle-yet-critical post on her timeline about a rogue shopping cart denting her Buick LeSabre that morning, when a pop-up appeared, asking if she actually meant to call for violence against people who left shopping carts rolling around parking lots, followed by a list of recommended violent phrases.

Moldsmear’s experience comes after Facebook’s decision to temporarily allow calls for violence against groups that may be relatively unpopular among the tech company’s staff.

“Yes, we’ve made a temporary change to our ironclad hate speech policy,” said a Facebook spokesperson wearing a t-shirt with the words “Fiery death to anyone who posts Minion memes” emblazoned across the front. “We are doing this because we have observed that in some contexts, users are referring to a group of people who are already hated by our policy team and therefore obviously hated by everyone.”

Facebook has issued a spirit-of-the-policy allowance to allow violent speech that would otherwise be removed under the Hate Speech policy when targeting:

• People who still leave voicemails
• People who “reply all” to emails
• People who set up Zoom meetings that could have been an email
• People who say “all the feels”
• People who use “literally” incorrectly
• People who order steak well-done
• People who drive PT Cruisers
• People who win their office March Madness pool having never watched a game
• People who friend you on Facebook with a business opportunity

Donald Trump could not be reached for comment via Facebook or Twitter for unknown reasons.
 

This woman is an angry feminist — but she’s quickly changing her tune as World War 3 starts and she faces the possibility of getting drafted.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
Babylon Bee

Jesus Christ is King