Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?

The race to see who will succeed Erin O’Toole as ‘Prime Minister In Waiting For The Liberals To Do Another Scandal’ is on! And there are so many characters involved, from fun 90s throwbacks like Jean Charest, to fun 50s social views throwbacks like Leslyn Lewis. But that begs the question: which candidate are you? And why is it Canada’s Ted Cruz himself Pierre Poilievre?! Seriously what’s wrong with you? Take this fun quiz to find out!

1. What’s your favourite colour?

Red, like the colour of my enemies blood as it boils from my questions during Question Period

Blue and White, like the fleur-de-lis of my home province

2. What’s your favourite movie?

Jurassic Park

The Godfather, but only the scene with the horse’s head

Maman est chez le coiffeur

3. What’s your favourite song

All You Need Is Love

Whatever teenagers are into these days

An audiobook playing at 2.5x speed

Anything by Celine Dion

4. Your perfect day is

Reading in bed

Settling a defamation lawsuit with CTV News

Watching clips of yourself talking

Capably managing the government of Quebec from 2003-2012

5. Your idea of a fun night out is

Drinks with close friends

Things that were covered by the defamation lawsuit with CTV News

Making everyone in the bar watch a clip of you talking

Dinner with your wife Michelle and children Amelie, Antoine and Alexander

6. If you were Prime Minister you would

Balance the budget

Use the title to get in to all the coolest parties

Burn the CBC building to the ground and make the cast of Heartland watch

Govern as a centrist just like you, Jean Charest, did when you were Premier of Quebec

7. If you could go anywhere in the world you’d go to

I’m happy in my home of Sherbrooke. Did I mention my name is Jean Charest?

Check Results

Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?

You are Pierre Poilievre!

You may have thought you weren’t gonna get this because you clicked on the answers that were clearly about other politicians. But we were pretty clear in the title of this quiz that you were gonna get Pierre Poilievre. And you know that, deep down, that is who you are. You need to work on yourself before you end up just like him. You can do it. We believe in you.

Beaverton