U.S. Horses Terrified Obese Americans Will Need Them For Transportation Again

U.S.—As gas prices skyrocket, many Americans are looking for alternate forms of travel that will save them money. This has many in the equine community fearful of being used as transportation once again by a nation of overweight and obese citizens. 

“With gas unaffordable, I know these humans will want to use us again to get around,” neighed Two-Bit, a local Appaloosa from Missouri. “I know my ancestors used to carry them everywhere, but geez—have you seen the size of these people now? These folks today just aren’t built the same!”

“We horses know this administration has dealt the American people a bad hoof with their terrible policies, but breaking our backs to lug y’all around is not the answer!” said a local Arabian horse named Omar. “We already have to run around tracks and perform at rodeos for your entertainment, when will enough be enough?!”

Some horse unions have stated they will not carry human riders unless they maintain a body fat percentage of 15% or less. “Try eating some oats or carrots, they are delicious and healthy. Also maybe try getting off of TikTok and go running a bit, is that too much to ask?” said one rep. 

Most Americans agreed that these requests were simply too much and petitioned President Biden to reach out to Saudi Arabia and ask if they would be willing to import camels instead. 

This woman is an angry feminist — but she’s quickly changing her tune as World War 3 starts and she faces the possibility of getting drafted.

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