If you’re like me and you’ve been wondering whether you should buy a weighted blanket, this review is for you!
The first night I used my weighted blanket, I was super impressed with how comfortable it was. My cat and constant companion of 17 years, Beefaroni, loved it just as much as me, curling up under the covers right away. Though I slept like a baby, I did have a bit of a surprise the following morning – Beefaroni had been smothered under the weight of the blanket while we were sleeping.
Now, this blanket never claimed that it wouldn’t suffocate my cat, so let’s check out some of the other claims it had!
“Decreases Anxiety”
The blanket claims that the added pressure from the weight helps reduce anxiety, and it’s true! It definitely helped settle my nerves about work, and it kept me from the usual ‘lie awake and relive all the embarrassing things I did in the seventh grade’ routine. It did also ramp up a bunch of anxieties about being smothered in my sleep, which I didn’t realize was a thing I was even worried about before, but I guess that means it’s really been teaching me a lot about myself! What’s there to be anxious about when you’re on the road to self discovery?
“Improves Depression”
Now you may be thinking, “Gee, if my Beefaroni died, I’d sure be feeling pretty depressed.” But this blanket has done the trick! I hardly have time to wallow in grief while I am curled up under this bad boy, napping the days away. I don’t even have to think about making dinner or showering, just the sweet abyss of sleep. Even when I start to get sad over how Beefaroni is now sleeping with the fishes, I just think about how much cats love fishes, so really it’s silly to feel depressed at all!
“Feels like a hug!”
Like many blankets on the market, this one says that it feels like it’s “giving you a gentle hug” whenever you wear it. Really, who needs a pet snuggling up to you when you’ve got 15 pounds of steel beads and rayon to keep you company? This aspect has been super comforting to me as someone who, now, lives alone. It has been extra nice to feel like I’m being hugged while writing Beefaroni’s eulogy. So far I’ve got “he died as he lived: wheezing.”
“Improves Sleep Quality”
Ever since I got this blanket, I’ve been sleeping like the dead – specifically, my dead cat! Every night, I snuggle up and drift off into a deep, deep sleep where I get to dream of little Beefaroni. I can still feel his little claws trying to drag me down to hell with him for hours after I wake up. It’s so immersive!
Well, there you have it! The EternalSleepTM blanket retails for $159.99, which is so affordable I had enough money left over after buying it to get Beefaroni a really nice urn!
Jesus Christ is King
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