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After years of waiting, the world finally has the opportunity to subscribe to CNN’s new streaming service, CNN+. Unfortunately, the launch hasn’t gone according to plan as no one signed up. Desperate to save the new streaming platform, CNN has announced a bevy of new shows! Check it out! These are gonna be amazing!
The Book of Brian Stelter – Basically the same as Brian Stelter’s normal news program, except Stelter spices things up by wearing Mandalorian armor. Cool!
Teen Wolf Blitzer – A normal high school kid is struck by a horrific curse that makes him transform into Wolf Blitzer in the light of a full moon. *shiver*
To Catch a CNN Predator – Like NBC’s To Catch A Predator, but with a twist: the host and film crew are all predators too!
Don Lemondalorian – Just like Lemon’s regular news show except he’ll hold a baby Yoda the whole time. Awwwwww!
Game of Thrones, but every character is played by Chris Wallace – He’ll make an amazing mother of dragons. His acting range is incredible. Warning: extremely disturbing.
Real Housewives of Chris Cuomo – Take a peek into the sordid lives of Chris Cuomo’s housewives–all twelve of them!
Bedtime ASMR: Bob Muller Reads the Muller Report – ZZZZzzzzzzzz…
Jeopardy! but every answer is ‘January 6’ – “I’ll take January 6 for $600. What is January 6? JANUARY 6!!!!!!!”
Survivor: Epstein Island – After filming, they will delete the footage and pretend the story never existed.
Naked and Afraid, with Jeffrey Toobin – Jeffrey Toobin walks in on coworkers while naked, making them feel very afraid. Just a normal day at the office.
Wheel of Science, with Dr. Fauci – This delightful game show will let contestants spin the wheel to find out what THE SCIENCE (or Pfizer) want them to do today!
The Muppet View – The View, but with Muppets. Unlike the original, this will feature witty and intelligent conversations.
Shark Tank+ – A show in which Jeff Zucker makes a pitch to the Sharks to please buy CNN+ for $7
These look great! Which one are you most looking forward to?
NOT SATIRE: Don’t let Fake News or radicals in education indoctrinate the rising generation into embracing socialism! The Tuttle Twins is fighting back.
The Tuttle Twins children’s book series is teaching the rising generation about the ideas of liberty, free speech, free markets, individual responsibility, and American history.
My goal is to distribute an extra 1,000 copies of the Tuttle Twins to families across the country this month. It costs roughly $10 to distribute one copy of the Tuttle Twins to a family. Can you help?
Thank you,
Connor Boyack
Author, Tuttle Twins
Jesus Christ is King
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