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Did you know that your morning beverage of choice can predict your political leanings with 100% accuracy? Don’t look it up—just trust us, it’s a totally real thing.
Here is what your preferred morning drink says about your politics:
Black Coffee – You are a red-blooded, freedom lovin’, conservative AMERICAN!
Decaf with cream – LOL you liberal snowflake
Metamucil – Hail to the Chief! You’re the President of the United States!
Kombucha – You’re a Democratic Socialist hippie with diarrhea. Gross, dude.
Rainwater collected with a tarp – Libertarian.
Milk – You’re either a serial killer or Mitt Romney.
Lukewarm tap water – You’re a centrist but probably call yourself “politically homeless”
Gasoline – Anarchist
The fresh salty sea air and a swig of brandy – Oh no! You’re an 18th-century whaling vessel captain!
Deionized Mineral Free Water – Far-right QAnon conspiracy theorist
5 Diet Cokes – Orange authoritarian dictator
Your own pee – Bear Grylls
Liberal Tears – Ben Shapiro
Tea – You are loyal to King George III and should be thrown into the harbor
Gold River Trading Co. Tea – You believe in God, guns, freedom, and AMERICA!!!
Skinny mocha dairy-free decaf no-whip latte – Nazi.
NOT SATIRE: Tired of buying sugary drinks and coffee from large woke corporations? Throw a tea party! Gold River Trading Co. is an American company that offers premium alternatives for Americans who enjoy a delicious cup of tea.
Start your day with Gold River’s invigorating American Breakfast Blend or unwind with Chamomile Herbal tea. Explore a variety of high-quality blends and enjoy a healthy, flavorful alternative from an American company that shares your values.
Shop now and receive 10% off using “BEE” at checkout.
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