TORONTO – City officials cut the ribbon on the Parks Department’s most recent project this weekend; an urban obstacle course where men can jump real high and touch stuff.
The course resembles a large playground but instead of swings and monkey bars it’s comprised of a variety of scaled-up items, from door frames to elevator ceilings to STOP signs. Jumpers are encouraged to reach for numerous on-site basketball hoops and goal posts to their hearts desire, though reminded that on-site security strictly prohibits all sports play on JNT grounds.
The urban obstacle course was designed by Greg Dupont, founder of Jump N’ Touch (JNT) and available life coach. The company aims to reawaken a long lost dream held by post-pubescent men everywhere; to graze one’s fingertips against an object so high it seemed out of mortal man’s reach.
“What a rush!,” local jumper Jorge Marquis exclaimed, shortly after touching an 8-foot-high emergency EXIT sign. “I haven’t felt this confident since 7th grade.”
Dupont similarly relished in formative moments like smacking his tiny middle school hand against a lofty tree branch, but the prestige quickly faded when he sprouted to 6’3” in early highschool. “It just wasn’t impressive anymore,” Dupont sighed. “I’d lost all purpose.”
While open for use by all public, the marketing undertone is certainly male-focused. “For everyone and anyone,” the commercial preaches, as close-ups of sweaty flexing delts and ripped calves launching sneakers off from the ground flash across the screen.
“I don’t know why,” commented Aaliyah Connors, wife of local jumper Anton Connors, “but seeing him leap towards the heavens and successfully brush that branch made me fall in love with him all over again.”
The opening of the facility has already resulted in a a wide-spread boost in morale in the surrounding neighborhood. “The improvement in the local economy is pronounced,” stated Chet Williams, Director of Park Services. “And I’m not just saying that as someone who touched the bottom of that basketball net earlier, I mean seriously did you see that?!
Whether JNT will be able expand to international markets remains to be seen, but Dupont says he is happy with what he’s built. “It’s been an honour to dedicate my life’s work to the well being of average-height, able-bodied men.”
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.