Racist Twitter Board Declares They Would Rather Go Bankrupt Than Be Owned By An African American

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter’s board of directors has elected to block an attempt from an African American immigrant to purchase the company. According to sources, they decided they would rather destroy their own company than see it in the hands of an African American.

“Over my dead body!” said angry board member Foghorn Callaway, twirling his mustache and shaking his cane in the air. “I’ll be hornswoggled if I ever allow an uppity foreigner own this glooooorious company!” 

The other board members hooted and hollered and banged their hands on the elegant mahogany board room table in agreement. 

According to sources, the young African businessman who offered to buy the company has ambitions to ensure Twitter is prioritizing free speech and “maximally trusted.” His detractors accuse him of being a “yucky Nazi” and a “poopoo head” who might use his strange foreign ways to upset the systems of power that control elections and cultural movements around the world. 

“Ain’t no foreigner gonna get his hand’s on TWITTER!” said Callaway. “He needs to go back where he came from and build his own platform!” He then spat into a golden spittoon and limped out of the board room.

According to sources, if the Twitter deal falls through, the African American businessman plans to make a cash offer of $12 for TRUTH Social. 

Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.

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