JUPITER, FL—According to sources hanging out at a local tiki bar, the taste of “literal pee in a bottle” was slightly improved by the addition of a slice of lime. The group agreed that the beverage they ordered, which was “pretty much just carbonated urine chilled in a glass bottle,” tasted disgusting on its own, but once you added a hint of citrusy lime to the top of the glass, it became a delicious, refreshing beverage that you could sip on during a warm spring evening to relax. “I don’t like drinking that pee,” said one lame, boring member of the group. “It’s so gross.” But then, another friend suggested adding lime, and the lamewad tasted the newly improved beverage and was forced to agree that adding the green fruit to the urine instantly transformed it into “one of the top drinks of all time.” At publishing time, sources had confirmed that no fruit or vegetable in existence could save IPAs from tasting like Pine Sol.
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.
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