Jesus' Coming Back

Flight Attendants Thankful As They Can Now Identify Problem Customers More Quickly

U.S.—With the recent lifting of mask mandates on airplanes, flight attendants have reported an unexpected benefit: problem customers can now be easily identified by their masks.

Multiple members of flight crews confirmed that they can now quickly map out who the problem customers are on a given flight and position their defense appropriately.

“We can spread out our zone formation to cover the areas with lots of maskers,” said Jillian Adams, a Delta flight attendant.  “We used to scan for visible body hair, T-shirts imprinted with too many words, and frumpy hairdos, but now we do a quick headcount and mark out a map of masked fliers. We can then assign our most grizzled steward to make regular passes by the seats of those we’ve dubbed ‘Karens’ to make sure they’re not mask-splaining to their seat-mates, dripping gobs of hand sanitizer on anyone, or causing any ruckus.”

“Those wearing two or three masks and a face shield are granted special attention, and we generally switch to a man-to-man defense for those passengers.”

According to sources from multiple airlines, things got pretty hairy during the pandemic, as everyone wore a mask, and flight attendants weren’t able to tell those wearing a mask voluntarily from normal people. But with the recent ruling striking down the mask mandate, wearing a mask is once again a sign of being a psychopath or else an old-timey bandit intent on stealing everyone’s gold.


Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube
Babylon Bee

Jesus Christ is King

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More