5 small joys you can cut out of your life and still not be able to afford a home

With home prices doubling in the last 5 years and increasingly divorced from the incomes of Canadians such that the real estate market has created a completely parallel universe devoid of anything resembling reality, it can be easy to think you can never afford a home. But with this handy list of 5 money saving tips, you can delude yourself into the belief that it’s still possible, all while depriving yourself of what simple small joys remain in your life.

Streaming Services
Millennials are famous for being the cord-cutting generation, replacing cable with a monthly subscription to Netflix. But cutting out that monthly streaming service could net-fix you some pretty big savings. If you’re serious about buying a home, consider canceling all your streaming services and completely depriving yourself of the sweet momentary escape through the magic of film and television, where for a mere hour or two you can escape the reality of our late-stage capitalist dystopia, and instead disassociate to some binge-worthy reality TV, where this Bay Street power couple are looking for a house with a budget of $2.6M holy fucking shit you have got to be kidding me I can’t watch this.

Coffee
Spending $2 or $3 dollars a day on a morning coffee or latte might seem like a small expense, but like a crack in the foundation of a home purchased without an inspection condition during a hyper-competitive blind-bidding war, it’s the small things that get you. By cutting out that daily coffee or latte and actively depriving yourself of one of life’s cheapest and simplest joys while home prices continue to double every 5 years, you can give yourself one less reason to get out of bed in the morning and still not be remotely close to affording a home.

Take Out
While it’s not possible to cut out food entirely (if only!), taking out the take-out from your monthly budget and replacing it with home cooked meals can save you a bundle. Consider meal prepping for the week ahead, and avoid the temptation to occasionally treat yourself with even reasonably priced takeout. By depriving yourself of that delicious professionally prepared $12 pad thai at the end of an eleven-hour work day and replacing it with a mediocre pad thai you made at home for only $9, you can cut out a simple source of human comfort and joy as old as time immemorial and replace it with something much better: the unrelenting accrual of capital in pursuit of an increasingly out of reach dream.

Sleep
While 7 to 9 hours of sleep is preferable, most medical studies show that you can subsist on as little as four hours of sleep, leaving you more time to work and earn money. Savers who are serious about owning a home in Canada should get serious about saving on sleep, using the extra time awake to take on a second full-time job, or 2-3 additional part-time jobs. By depriving yourself of the sweet embrace of a long, undisturbed night’s sleep, cheating yourself of the physical and mental respite necessary to truly thrive as a human being, you still won’t be able to afford a home, but by working the equivalent of two human lifetimes, you might be able to rent a place with a “den”, whatever that is.

Joy in General
Chances are, if you’re experiencing joy of any kind in your life, it’s a sign that you’re not being serious enough about owning a home in Canada. Spending time that you could be working and money that you could be saving on frivolous extravagances like socializing with friends, going on dates to form the romantic bonds, going to the gym to stay healthy, cultivating hobbies to be a well-rounded person, buying birthday gifts for your children, and purchasing clothes to cover your body are all extravagances that you should consider cutting out of your life. Because it’s only once you sacrifice every last source of joy in your life to buy a home that you will truly be happy.

Beaverton