Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Patrick Brown
Background: Patrick Walter Brown is a career politician who has served as an MP, MPP, Mayor of Brampton, and unofficial bartender at numerous Barrie bars. He is known to be a moderate Conservative, meaning he occasionally acknowledges the environment exists and is, generally speaking, a good thing.
Most known for: You know. That thing. The one we can’t talk about that without Brown suing us. Just google it.
Campaign Slogan: Fighter. Leader. Winner. Settler of civil defamation suits. Violator of the Member’s Integrity Act (4 times). His staff tried to tell him it was a bit wordy.
Policies: -Expand the Conservative base to new demographics like anyone willing to vote for him as leader
-End the War on Christmas by starting a satellite war on Diwali
-Do more than the Trudeau government to oppose Quebec’s discriminatory Bill 21. In other words: do anything.
-Ask Jean Charest what to do
Chance of winning: That depends. You wanna buy a membership?
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