TORONTO – Local Cabbagetown resident Francine Dumont walks her 100 lbs Bullmastiff off leash because she’s really fucking cool.
“Don’t worry, Max is super friendly!” called Dumont after a young mom with her toddler moved to the other side of the street to avoid the off leash dog. “I’m super confident that Max wouldn’t do anything so therefore, everyone around me must feel the same way!”
Dumont went on to explain that she chooses not to leash Max because “they vibin’”.
“He gets more freedom this way. We’re like John Snow and Ghost, Scooby and Shaggy, Shrek and Donkey. Our connection is so strong. Max walks right beside me, stops at all crosswalks, and if he wanders off, I just have to call his name seven times and he comes running back!”
According to Dumont, who never picks up after Max because it’s “biodegradable” and will “wash away in the rain”, Max is great with all dogs – even the reactive ones that are learning to be comfortable around other dogs. “It’s so cute! When Max sees another dog, he goes right up to them and keeps his cool, even when the other dog starts barking and freaking out and the owner starts struggling to calm their dog down!”
“You’ll get there too, I always say, before nonchalantly strolling off like Keanu Reeves after blowing up a building.”
When asked about the city’s bylaw that dogs must be leashed at all times except when in designated off leash areas, Dumont responded that they just came from the Riverdale off-leash area and why would we harsh this nice mellow we got going on.
“There is no point leashing him. I’m twelve blocks away from my house.”
At press time, Max reportedly lunged at a passerby to which Dumont responded “I’m so sorry! He’s never done this before! He just gets excited!”
Jesus Christ is King
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