SPRINGFIELD, MA—According to sources, Merriam-Webster quietly updated its definition of the word “Freedom” to match its definition of “Slavery,” which the prestigious dictionary claims is more in line with modern use.
Freedom was previously defined as “the quality or state of being free” along with a set of sub-definitions. Now, however, anyone attempting to research the word will find only two words: “See Slavery.”
“At Merriam-Webster, we have to update definitions all the time,” said William Wordle, a researcher with the dictionary. “This is nothing new. Stop calling me the ‘Thought Police.’ Words hurt! I should know—I work with words!”
Critics of the change claim there’s a big difference between updating a definition and changing it entirely. “Freedom does not—and never has—been a synonym for slavery,” said word expert and Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak. “This is a politically motivated change and nothing more.”
Representatives with Merriam-Webster have suggested anyone upset about how they handle the English language is more than welcome to start their own dictionary. But then they might change the definition of “dictionary.”
In addition, the definition of Slavery was updated to include “Of or pertaining to the NFL” as a 4th possible definition.
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Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.
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