Wanna see some photos of a kid you don’t know, ya freakin’ weirdos?

Looking for photos of Princess Charlotte, a child you’ve never met, and never will meet? You’ve come to the right place.

Here’s a great photo of this child, whose only claim to fame is that a relative with whom she might share a gene or two won a war half a millennia ago. Given that, why are we and every major Canadian news organization publishing these photos of a seven-year-old? Because her family wants you to see them and forge a parasocial connection to this minor and by extension her parents, and we in the media are happy to oblige.

And here’s a photo of this child with a dog! Does looking at a picture of this adorable youngster make you less likely to think that the very concept of royalty is parasitical and has no place in a modern society? Then it’s done its job.

Now that you’ve looked at these photos, you might feel a little strange about the fact that you just took a minute out of your life to look at pictures of someone else’s child. You are right to feel that way. Just because something is innocent doesn’t make it not weird. You should feel very unsettled right now. This is not normal. None of this is normal.

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King