White House Press Corps Beginning To Suspect Psaki Isn’t Ever Going To Circle Back To Their Questions

WASHINGTON, DC—As White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki departs today for a job at MSNBC, several members of the White House Press Corps expressed concern that she may not be intending to circle back to their questions after all.

According to the Pew Research Center’s Journalism Project, Psaki has promised to “circle back” to journalists’ questions exactly 8,436 times over the last 17 months. Now it appears almost all of those questions will remain mysteriously unanswered.

“Last fall, I asked Jen [Psaki] why thousands of people were still dying of COVID every day after President Biden promised to get the virus under control swiftly,” said Fox news correspondent Peter Doocy. “She promised to circle back to my question and then shared a photo of the Bidens purchasing Girl Scout cookies. And then there was a glint in her eyes and I could tell she totally wanted me and we shared a look of secret understanding. But she never got back to my question!”

Kaitlan Collins of CNN expressed a similar concern. “Earlier this spring Jen promised to ‘circle back’ on my question about how President Biden planned on going toe-to-toe with Russian President Vladimir Putin on the Ukraine situation,” Collins said. “She never did answer the question, but she passed out some Girl Scout cookies and there were thin mints and OMG those are my favorite… and what was I talking about? I forget. Oh well.”

At her first official press conference, new Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was asked if she intended to provide any responses to the thousands of existing unanswered questions posed by the Press Corps. Jean-Pierre promised to “come back around” to that question before showing an adorable video of President Biden playing with his cat Willow on the White House lawn. 

This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?

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