SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom was spotted Tuesday morning shopping for ivermectin at Sutter’s Stallion Emporium in downtown Sacramento, leading to rampant speculation that he’s planning to use the horse de-wormer to treat his Coronavirus infection.
Newsom reportedly attempted to go incognito by wearing a large pair of sunglasses but was discovered by witnesses who recognized the four pounds of gel in his hair.
“No, you must have me confused with some devastatingly handsome man,” Newsom reportedly said. “I am like you. I’m just a regular person.”
Newsom’s office has officially denied that the governor would ever treat COVID-19 with Ivermectin.
“Governor Newsom believes in SCIENCE,” said the governor’s aide, Molly Bowman. “He would never use horse medicine on himself, let alone venture out on his own to potentially infect hundreds.”
When shown CCTV footage placing Newsom at the feed store, his office was forced to retract their earlier statement.
“Governor Newsom was buying ivermectin for his horse. His name is Tibet and he has worms. It’s very serious,” said Bowman. “Any claim that he purchased the ivermectin for any other reason is far-right QAnon disinformation.”
At publishing time, Newsom was seen entering another feed store stacked on top of one of his aides inside a trenchcoat.
In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.
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